Now that 2012 is around that corner, like every other person in this world I am making New Years Resolutions… I feel like they should really be called “New Week or So Resolutions” because it’s not like anyone can keep them for more than a month.
But, I am determined to keep just one single resolution throughout this year and my whole life. So in that case I’m crossing out the “no carb diet”, “spend less time fooling around and study more”, “refrain from buying useless knickknacks and save money” and any cliché repeat resolution that everyone has once created and not made it through day one. So, with those out of the way, I have one resolution (or goal, which ever you prefer).
GET OUT OF MY MIND AND EXPERIENCE THE WORLD.
Someone important to me told me to “get out of my mind”.. At first, I thought that was such a stupid thing to say, but I just went along with what was said and forgot about it. But now I see what he was trying to say all along, stop thinking so much, stop the analyzing, stop the attempts to control everything… just let it all go. I now realized what it meant because I live within my mind.
In some ways that can be a good thing…I am very well thought out, I don’t make too many extreme decisions and I am well beyond my age in maturity. But, there are the never escaping down falls of living in my thoughts… I feel like I am a prisoner to my mind, I can never escape it. Some thoughts and pains are paralyzing to me and I tend to stay in a state of depression. By me staying away from the world and enclosing myself in the restrictions of my room, I am allowing myself to feel the same suffocating feelings over again. I can never truly express in words how lonely it is all alone, stuck reliving moments I wish I could forget.
Along with reliving everything, I take small gestures and unimportant conversations and analyze it to the point that I feel like I can give you that persons life story and their impressions of me, when in reality I’m sure I am far off base. It can be exhausting to always wonder if there was a hidden meaning or if secretly they really hate you.
I have given myself many years to grieve over things of my past, and have tried to interpret every single unimportant detail, I am glad that I have taken that time to get myself together and accept where I am in life and in the relationships that I am in. Because of all that time, I am now ready for this year to get out of my mind for a change. This upcoming year has so much to offer and new experiences I’ve never had the opportunity to encounter and I’m not going to sit this one out.
My goal is to travel and see what else is out there, let go and relax with where life takes me. I can honestly tell you I am so excited to see what this year has in store for me now that I have decide to get out and see the world not just think of the world. And that.. Is my New Years Resolution!
I’m not quite sure yet how I’m going to give an extreme makeover to my brain, but things that are important take time. So, for this I’m taking it one step at a time.