One of the things society has completely backwards is their view on “love.” Phases like “without you there is no me”, “I cannot live without you”, or even simply, “you complete me” gives people the wrong impression on love. Song after song is dedicated to the fact that as humans we need someone else to be happy. Disney movies, war movies, comedy movies and almost every movie known to man has some kind of love story to it. And to think of the character without that other person takes away the point in the movie. Now, this fallacy has been fed to every person on this planet, and frankly I’m getting quite sick of it.
Reading this introduction you may start to believe I am a bitter old cat lady who likes to hate on people in love or a woman who just cannot find a man so she feels the need to dump on everyone that blessedly can. Now, contrary to this belief I am not either of those scenarios. In fact I love love… I hope to find a strapping young man (preferably with darker skin, but I don’t want to be to picky) who will knock my socks off and we will be madly in love and get married. Even more surprising, I want to be a marriage counselor. So who I am to sit here and send this bitter message about love? Well, that’s just it. I am not here to do that, rather I want to talk about the belief of being an individual.
We all want someone to be there for us, it is human nature to desire love. In fact I think everything thing we do has some motive of love behind it. But once we begin to feel that without a husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend we are lost then we have it all wrong. I cannot write this and say I have not fallen into that mind set, but I can tell you that I got out of it, thank goodness. Because all it did for me was give me another excuse as to why I couldn’t be happy. The person I am today is in college completely on my own and I am so glad that it is that way. I am my own person, I have my own goals, hopes, and dreams and when I do find someone that loves me and visa versa then I still intend to keep it that way. I do not believe we have to have a lover to make us happy, I believe that people are capable to be happy in ANY situation if only we look within. If people actually believe in that last statement then it would save a lot of hurt and heartache.
Now, I in no way mean that if we lose someone we love it’s fine and we don’t need to grieve over it because “we are our own person.” I understand, it hurts and it is truly one of the most painful experiences, BUT never forget that whether that lover or soulmate is there or not, you will still be who you are. Interest may change, what you do on weekends will differ and who you think about before bed will shift, but you are still the same person. Some people find themselves dependant on their love that their identity practically becomes that person, but that is not healthy nor is that true love.
The importance of being an individual and owning your own identity is constantly being tested by society. And it’s hard to resist the lure of finding the one who “completes you.” But, in this world there is nothing more valuable than a person who is themselves alone, in a crowded room and most certainly in a relationship. That is a dime in a dozen, and the kind of man I am looking for and hope to remain in myself…. an Individual.