I thought I knew what love was…


A year or so ago, I was lying in bed tucked in under my cozy sheets, dreaming of college and all the beautiful things that were to come. I hoped for my heart to ache a little less, and my smile to become a little more genuine. I prayed for friends, and growing experiences but most of all I prayed for someone to love…

Here I am now, laying in my bed a thousand miles away from my home dreaming of even more beautiful things to come. I dream of the children I will meet in Nepal and all their experiences, I wonder what their hopes and dreams are and I imagine the insights and stories they will share with me. I pray for my heart to be filled with nothing but love for these people and that I will be receptive to all that they have to give.

And I’m sure months from now I’ll be laying in a bed on the other side of the world dreaming of the faces I will see in Hawaii and the love that will be added to my life since meeting them.

I have come to realize after all these nights in bed dreaming, that hearts have the capability to grow. I know it’s basic and even cliché but I never really experienced something like that till now…

I thought I knew what love was, and that the places my heart grew would be the places my heart stays. Then as I began to move around I saw that my heart just keeps growing with every place and every face and I find it to be the most beautiful and humbling experience. I haven’t even met the kids I am teaching in Nepal, but I love them already, I think about them each night, and I pray for them in every prayer. That is how I grew to understand that love doesn’t have restrictions. My heart will never say I’ve loved too much or cared too much.

I hope that one day I will have the capability to love the whole world.

Because I have found the more I love, the less angry I am and more understanding I become. I smile a lot more, and my prayers become more meaningful. Even though that night a year ago, the type of love I was hoping for was a romantic kind of love, I have found a love that has made me happier…

That love isn’t restricted to one person.

I love the friends that I have made that have stayed up and dreamed with me for hours. I love my roommates that I have had that even after moving out have brought over Chunky Monkey ice cream just because they thought of me. I love my parents and the sacrifices they made for me to be in college and to have these experiences. I love the children I volunteered with at the Native American Community Center. I love the adult leaders in my life that encouraged me and listened to hopelessly ramble about my goals. I even love my teachers that have inspired me to learn and look around at the world with a different pair of eyes. And I love my Heavenly Father who has meticulously placed each one of those people in my life.

I know I still lack the romantic love that I have longed for a while now, and sometimes I’m lonely and wish for nothing more than for someone to hold my hand, but I have come to find that the love I have fulfills me and that I have everything and everyone I need this very moment. As I grow older and move around the world my heart will grow to love more and my experiences will expand allowing me one day to have that romantic love I have been patiently waiting for…

but until then

I lay in bed tonight, tucked in my sheets, dreaming of many experiences yet to come, my hearts grow just at the thought of it…Because there is a lot of love waiting to be filled.



2 thoughts on “I thought I knew what love was…

  1. “I hope that one day I will have the capability to love the whole world.

    Because I have found the more I love, the less angry I am and more understanding I become. I smile a lot more, and my prayers become more meaningful” That is SO Beautiful Katie…

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