Ready for a shocker? I cannot sleep. I wrestled with my pillows trying to arrange them in hundreds of different formations only to find none of them felt comfortable. I gave up and thought it’s been a while since I’ve written my normal posts, so here I am.
Things are going to change a lot in the next month. Change is not a new concept to this blog, however this time is a bit different from the rest. I am becoming a missionary (in case if Poland slipped your mind, that is where I will reside for the next 18 months.) Yes, I will be one of those people with the nametags.. the kind of people you most likely avoid and hide behind the door from, that will be me. Pretty much I will be a Mormon Nun, if that doesn’t sound appealing then I don’t know what is. haha
I will be spending 18 months away from home, no contact with family, friends, or the beautiful members of the opposite sex, other than emails once a week. My life will be very regimented, scheduled, and centered around following Jesus and sharing the message of His love, His atonement, and His church. Dare I say this is quite an extreme change from the free-spirited, anti-authority woman y’all have gotten to know through this blog?
It’s a lot to take in. I have spent many nights looking up at my ceiling wondering what the hell I willingly signed myself up for. It seems a bit like prison if you ask me, no sweet kisses from men, that’s just cruel! However, here is something that lets me sleep at night (other than tonight) and fuels my excitement.. In almost every religion there is some sort a coming of age ceremony, when you “become a man/woman.” There are the Bar mitzvahs and Bat mitzvahs in Judaism, the Shinbyu ceremony in Buddhism, Confirmation in Catholicism, Upanayana in Hinduism, and Amrit Sanchar in Sikism. These are all sacred rituals that cross people over into maturity, into adulthood. I am about to embark on my coming of age ceremony, only thing is, it’s not about me anymore.
I am not going on a mission to gain wisdom and insights, to find myself or take lots of cool photos, nor am not going on a mission to feel I have a purpose. This mission is not about me. Missions in general are not about the missionary, they are about the people we serve. My coming of age ceremony, my sacred ritual is stripping me of my name, my comfort, and pretty much my freedom is for a greater purpose; to share what I have come to know as the truth.
I will no longer be Katie Bak. I will be Siostra Bak. Full-time Missionary with very unstylish shoes.
I am a selfish human, I think of myself, my needs, my goals, my passions, before others, and a mission takes that away. A mission takes away comfort and places in front of you faces, names, and lives of people searching for God and for answers to the questions we all have found ourselves asking. “What is my purpose on earth?” “Where will I go when I die?” “Why is it that sometimes bad things happen to good people?” “Is there even a God out there?” That is what the next 18 months of my life will look like, answering those very questions I too have asked. It’s a bit of a daunting task! I know many doors will be slammed in my face, hundreds of rejections, and people who are uninterested in what I have to say or even those who think what I believe is crazy, but I know there are people out in Poland who are looking, who are asking, and who are searching for their Heavenly Father, and those people will make it all worth it. It will be difficult, but you know what, I can finally say I am ready. Bring on the ugly shoes, baby!
These are some of the messages I will be sharing. check it out. (http://www.mormon.org/)