In hopes of being transparent, I will speak plainly.
My mission was not what I hoped for.
To summarize these experiences in an eloquent, pleasing to the masses blog post layered with pintrest quotes and baptismal photos would be insincere.
I have less than a month left. I wake up, bow my head to the heavens and ask, “Father, what was this all about?” “Did I do what you sent me here to do?” “Is this really it?”
This post is not my answer to those questions. I do not yet have one. I still lack beautiful words to decorate this page, and I do not have any profound statements for my children to one day be inspired by.
I guess that is what makes it all so real, so raw, and so honest.
Sometimes we do what the Lord asks of us and it never quite graces the pages of the latest Ensign. The ending has not yet been trimmed to make the clean scrapbook worthy edges, and we are left to hold our sacred stories that no one will value their undoubtable beauty the same way we do.
That is my mission.
It is sacred, it is jagged, it is without an ending, and no, it was not at all what I had hoped. Yet, it is beyond precious to me.