I have found myself mindlessly going about my days like sleep reading a novel; I’ve reached page 150 yet I can’t recall a single word for the past 6 pages. The letters have all blended together like the aimless moments of my post mission life.
Sylvia Plath said, “There must be quite a few things a hot bath won’t cure, but I don’t know many of them.” She must never have been a freshly returned missionary..
A bath has not cured my itching curiosity towards finding something greater than the life that I am currently living. Nor has it given me much of an answer to this whole “WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE?” question that follows missionaries upon returning to normalcy.
I’ve been waiting for God to continue his biblical pattern and part the seas, or at least my lukewarm bath water, to show me a safe route to a successful and meaningful life.
Yet, God has remained silent on the matter.
He is allowing me to be lost and slightly dizzy at the thought of where to go next. For that I am thankful.
As comforting as it may seem, to believe every choice is written into the tablet of fate, I think that mindset could actually gyp us from making decisions and trusting the intuition that God has given us.
Yes, we turn to God always, especially for guidance. Yes, God has a plan for us. But if every prayer and commandment followed led God to grant us a peep into his crystal ball, wouldn’t that strip us of the very thing he wishes us to do on this earth? To grow.
Serving a mission was a tattoo on my forehead kind of answer. God was taking my pant leg and pulling me out to Poland. I expected my post mission life to be the same.
Yet, I don’t feel much pulling, yelling or tattooing going on. The only thing God seems to be doing is gently nudging me to ask myself,
“Katie, what is it that you want to do?”
What do I want? Well, I want to go to Australia, because there is someone there I can’t yet shake from my mind.
And so it is. I leave January 1st. New year. New country. New opportunity to be vulnerable and open myself up for growth.
Photograph taken by Matt Lauder, http://www.mattlauder.com.au/courses/sydneycity.php